In a Word . . . or a Phrase: Delay

In a word, this post has been . . . delayed.
It’s been quite a while since I began thinking about starting a blog. In fact—see that last sentence? I wrote those words over five years ago. And I’d been thinking about blogging for five years before that. Mulling over a theme. Wondering how to begin. Trying to figure out how I would manage to get anyone to actually read it. I struggled with how to tie it into my writing services business. For some time, a long time, I believed I was just a procrastinator—a really bad one. However, over the past year, I’ve been doing something different: working with a coach. Because of her, I’ve come to realize that the issue wasn’t simply about delay. And it wasn’t about procrastination. It was about fear. Fear of not being good enough to pull it off. Fear that I wouldn’t have anything to say that mattered. Fear of being judged . . . and if you don’t understand what I mean, then I’m truly glad for you; because this kind of fear is hard to live out.
I clearly remember when I first learned something that the Bible has to say about fear. Twenty-two years ago a new friend shared it with me—right after I shared one of my worries with her.
“Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God.” —Philippians 4:6, CEV
Since that day I have prayed when worry and fear creep in. Even so, my tendency is to hesitate stepping out into something new. It feels so risky. And I’m no risk-taker. However, a year ago I hesitated only a moment when the opportunity arose for a free coaching session—in fact, it was three thirty-minute sessions. My thought? “What’s there to lose? It’s free!”
Three sessions with Elaine were just enough to whet my appetite. I’d begun moving toward some of my business dreams—and I didn’t want to stop. So I signed up for more. And paid for it. And it was totally worth it! My dreams became goals. And I began to see my business dreams becoming reality—I was making them become reality! But I’d feel nervous sometimes. I couldn’t figure out why. Until that one day. The day when Elaine asked me a question. The question. “Do you think you might be afraid of success?” Tears sprang to my eyes. Overflowed. In the middle of the coffee shop. But I didn’t even care.
Because all-at-the-same-time I felt so afraid and yet so powerful in a way that I’ve never felt before. It was as if God had opened the heavens and shown it to me right there: a revelation.
My mind swirled with past fears and future possibilities. And my thinking went straight back to a book I had just finished editing. A Bible study, From Fear to Faith. During the entire editing process, even though I loved the book, it hadn’t occurred to me that I needed—I mean, I personally needed—the meat of the author’s message. You see, I’d been praying against fear with Philippians 4:6 for over twenty years.
I’d been praying it—but I hadn’t been living it. Talk about a delay! Lots of fears had been holding me back—including the fear of success. Enter my thinking for a moment to see how my mind would spin . . . if this works and people read it and they like it . . . then what?! How will I even keep up with a blog? And then will I finally get to publish a book? But it’s so hard to find an agent! And what would that even look like? How could that ever happen to me—being a published author? Me?! Probably not. No. Never.
You see, thinking about writing a blog at first felt a little bit exciting, like butterflies in my stomach; but the excitement shifted and began feeling like squirming worms—just the way it feels about 30 seconds before you throw up. Do you know that feeling? Do you let it control you the way I used to let it control me? I had allowed fear to control me for far too long.
But not anymore. No more delays. That part of my journey is finished. This post is the proof of that.
In your journey, it’s good to have a verse to hold onto. But Philippians 4:6 really needs the next verse to make the most sense:
“Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.” —Philippians 4:6-7, CEV
That peace—the peace that passes all understanding—does control the way I think, the way I feel. And now, even what I do. What about you? Is fear delaying something in your life? What are you going to do about it?